Chinkified

I keep having the same dream

I’m racing through lives, and then another

But you’re here with me

We see each other

And the hardships

And the plot twists

And the problems

And the struggles

Go down

But the battles

And the scars left

Seem to drown out

And we’re left with you

And we’re left with me

And we’re holding hands

Walking aimlessly

Not quite sure where this is going to take us

But I know you’ll be where you stand now, then

We’ll touch unto this together sometime again.

The twists and turns make my stomach churn

With excitement and with disgust

But life’s surprises in strange disguises

Makes for faith and a lot of trust

It’s gotten me this far

And I can’t quite frown

Because every corner and in every shadow

Some light seems to shine down

I blindsided you, because perhaps I was the first

of my kind

And then you were mine, and you were so fine

I’d rather no other by my side

It’s been so short, but we’ve fought so long

The wars of blood and anger

But we’ve seized our enemies and made allies

For this kingdom we’re bound to conquer

We’re wired, and yet so very tired

But we must keep to rebuild

The hope and happiness of our strength and love

Will kindle our greatest desires

So through the twists and turns

We’ll scatter the urns of our once-was enemies

Say a prayer, and heave them over

To the vast and gentle seas

I wish I could expand narrow minds and bring some faith to the faithless.

Perhaps you’re dead in the eyes and in the mind, but you will never be dead in the heart. But even I seemingly can’t reach you. Your own blood.

I’d have pursued it long ago

This road’s gravel is rough on toes, you know?

How do I keep things as simple as possible?

It’s not right. It’s not plausible.

The flow is broken when dam overflows

The boundaries of waters are the first to go

The forces expand them, until there’s no land left

With waters so loud, they’ll leave you deaf

Where do I go, where do I swim?

Just flow down until you hit the rim

You’ll fall off the Earth for a minute

And catch new ground and set new limits

And if there was an easier way

I wouldn’t have had this conversation today

And if I could just let it be

I would still curse at curiosity.

The stones cover too much ground.

If only gravity allowed the sands of time to travel upwards, towards the sky… Perhaps there would be a larger vacancy in Hell.

Sitting alone in my head used to be the worst feeling

Because I’d think and think and think

But now with my mind a little settled and mending

The emotions have mellowed

Perhaps jumping into something when I wasn’t ready

Was, in fact, a dark idea

So perhaps the only relationship I should upkeep

Is the one of my hand and pencil

And even if the stars fall,

I’m standing in the fire

The chaos

Even if the skies burn of black smoke

And the air I take in suffocates

The living things around me

If it takes until then for you to realize,

Then so be it,

The green monster.

I’ll give you a list of all my flaws

Both you and I know them if you take the time to know me

Eventually

And perhaps the right man will come along

And love me for me

I’m a difficult person to deal with

As I have a lot of complaints

Perhaps my bodily build is a little more masculine

As my shoulders are broader than an average gal

I don’t have mountains on my chest

Nor do I want them, as they look best on the ones who have them

My fingers and toes are longer than average

My parents said I would make an outstanding pianist

However, my love for piano was shortlived

And my personality is certainly a lot tougher than most

In my outer shell

My person within is caring and sensitive

But only towards people that I let in

I’m lazy most of the time

But things that I feel must get done

Will get done

Through some motivation

As often times, I lack such

My appreciation is towards everyone who’s given two damns about me

or my family

The daily grind scares me a little

But I know it’s not all that bad

But I know I do not wish to live like such forever

I can be cynical if you push my buttons

And I will most definitely bite back

However, it is unlike me to harm someone out of mal intentions

Just for self defense

I don’t like to hear the truth sometimes

Because I live in my own world

Reality can be depressing sometimes

So I like to let be

Alone in my world from time to time

So let me tell you,

If you can’t accept the fact that I’m

the way I am

Then don’t decide to date me to try to change me

Or to push what you wish I was

Or wish I had on me

Because as said in the beginning

It was never my loss.

Only yours.

If we never talk, then maybe we’ll never understand each other
And I know it’s hard to explain sometimes
The way that we are
The things that we do
And the countless reasons have come up
As to why I don’t understand you

We speak different languages
And perhaps we’ll never learn each other’s
But communication is key, honey
I’m not my dear mother

Speak to me
Talk to me
Hold my hand through it
Because if you never spoke it
Then I would never hear
And the words that you vomit out
Would never enter my ears 

You’ll never completely understand who I am
Most people never do
And it’s not a cocky statement, hon
You’ve just never walked in my shoes

And I’ll never understand you either
And I don’t think I’d ever want to
But things that lead to potential problems
I’d really like to solve em’.

If you can feel the beat of my heart, you’d tell me that it was inhuman. Hearts that don’t beat are categorized as deceased.

But who are you to judge whether my heart does beat on a regular basis or not? Because, as a matter of fact, my heart does beat. My heart beats once every few years.

You may not have the patience to see that neon, green light raise and lower with my pulse, and have long thrown me into the morgue.

But if you just listen.
If you just feel.
If you just close your eyes,
You’ll sense movement.

You’ll sense that there is living in the ‘dead’.
And you’ll sense that, although the universe forbid we have souls, we do indeed.
And if you take the time and the effort to understand us,
The Cold,
You’ll understand.

The depths, the struggles, the meanings,
And you will not mourn for us.
You will walk with us, amongst us,
Within us.

Because, my dear, we are one of the same.